Warm weather is here, and that can mean only one thing: Crippling insecurity! While you practice the correct method of sucking your tummy in, let’s examine all the stuff we worry about, fantasize about and straight up obsess over every time the Earth gets close enough to the sun to make us feel like we have to go outside. From shrinkage and fake six-packs to nude beach etiquette and sea-lion attacks, here’s everything you need to know to get through the hottest season without being that guy who wears his T-shirt in the pool.
Good luck out there, fellow cucks.
The articles:
- A Cultural History of Sylvester Stallone’s Rock-Hard Abs and Shredded Everything Else
- How to Bullshit Your Way to a Six-Pack
- The Lifeguards’ Guide to Shrinkage
- Ranking Every Type of Lettuce by How Healthy It Is
- The Ocean is a Cesspool of Viruses and Pathogens
- How to Steal My Trashy Yet Vibrant Beach Dirtbag Look
- The Farmers’ Guide to the Farmer’s Tan
- How the ‘Wife Beater’ Tank Top Became A Marker of Class, Ethnicity and Domestic Abuse
- Bathing Suits for Big Boys
- The Vicious Online Battle Between Vegan Bodybuilders and Their Carnivore Counterparts
- A Brief History of Horny Dudes Trying to Rub Suntan Lotion on Women in Movies
- A Gentleman’s Guide to Nude Beaches
- The Surfers’ Guide to Beach Hair
- Why Some Men Refuse to Wear Shorts
- Everything You Need to Know About Your Skin Before Your Inevitable Memorial Day Sunburn
- The Bodies That Wash Ashore
- Essential Reads for the Man Who Wants to Put on A Little Muscle
- Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Get Into a Pool Within Two Weeks of Shitting Your Guts Out
- Everything You (Hopefully Never) Need to Know About ‘Dry Drowning’
- Straight American Men Hate Speedos for No Good Reason
- What It Feels Like to Be Mauled by a Shark, a Box Jellyfish and a Sea Lion
- Are Calf Implants the Male Equivalent of a Boob Job?
- A Naturist Explains How to Apply Sunscreen on Your Dick
- My Quest to Get As Tan As Possible Without Ever Stepping into the Sun
- The Never-Ending Appeal of the Kookslams Instagram Account
